you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
