allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
