I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I just found a bag of teeth...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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