Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
