u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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