well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Randomize
