I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You were trust falling into bushes
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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