she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
