God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
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She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
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Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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