It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
