you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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