we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
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I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
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Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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