Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
