No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
