It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
