i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
