we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
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