i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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