you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
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