whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
