That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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