i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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