she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
