we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
