it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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