I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I want her autograph on my taint
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
