I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
