i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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