You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
