Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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