My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
