I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Randomize
