Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
