The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
