fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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