He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
