I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
