Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
