No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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