My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize