He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
