dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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