oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
