First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
