Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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