You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
