why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Randomize
