I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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