Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You are the jesus of drinking
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
