I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
