my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
