people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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