He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I came so hard my ears popped.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
