i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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