U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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