Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
