I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
